Photo by Tori Aston from Modenus BlogTourKBIS 2016 |
It was 2011 and I was riding high on a phenomenal full house reno that had recently finished to huge success. I was one of the lucky ones. I had come through the 2008 market crash without my business following suit. I had clients who were either smart enough or wealthy enough that the market didn’t effect our projects, and after a decade in business I was really starting to find my stride.
And then it happened. For the first time ever in a decade of business. 3 dishonest clients in a row stiffed me – a polite term for the financial and emotional trauma of what went on – to the tune of more than 10K. It wasn’t the dollars of it, it was the absolute shock. It felt personal. I felt like someone had scraped out my insides and left me hollow. I was a house of cards just waiting to be blown over by a gentle gust of wind.
Well, the gentle gust of wind came more like a tornado in the form of two serious car accidents 6 months apart, right on the heels of my business betrayals. Suddenly I found myself in physiotherapy 5 days a week. For two years. It was a full time job. My whole world as a business owner came to a complete stop, and oddly, the business pain was almost as intense as the physical pain.
It was during my season of physical recovery that I launched The Curated House and started to look for a design sisterhood. The truth is, the business of interior design can be very isolating. Yes, we interact with wonderful suppliers and clients, but often we lack a trusted peer group with which to share our highs and lows – our best practices and horror stories – especially when we own our own businesses. And as I’ve learned, it’s shared experiences that make us stronger.
It took some time for me to find the courage to start sharing my story in small doses. It was like testing the waters to see if they were too cold to go deeper. No one likes to go from designing and building/renovating 3-4 million dollar homes to landing flat on her badonkadonk. But there I was, and I needed a hand up.
Over time it got easier to share – bit by bit – and I found there were more kindred spirits out there than I’d expected. Turns out, I wasn’t the only one. I kept whispering to myself “It’s not just me” in amazement as I heard the stories of others. Many amazing designers, in fact, had been beaten and bruised along the way, and worst of all, left feeling like somehow it was their fault. Funny how a business that can appear so glamorous from the outside can be painfully otherwise behind the scenes.
My first real design sister – the kind who feels like family and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt would do anything to support my success – was Lisa Canning. This girl knows how to love hard, and she was God’s hand reaching out to help me up off my ass when she came into my life in 2013. And because of my experience with Lisa, I knew that sisterhood was indeed possible.
Enter Veronika Miller and BlogTourKBIS 2016. Before even meeting her in person, she shared some of her hard-won wisdom with me. She said, “Here’s the thing. I spent years being a woman and trying to ‘handle it’ or ‘fight through it.’ It’s when I started to ask for help and allow others to see my weakness that the knot unraveled. It’s actually what made me strong.”
It was Veronika’s vulnerability with me that gave me the courage to more than dip my toe in the waters when I arrived at BlogTourKBIS. And guess what I found? The waters were warm. I met 24 other designers ready to share not only in an experience together, but also to share the real stuff of what it takes to run a design business. The good, the bad and the ugly. Our five days together were another step in redeeming my design story. Five days of fun and wicked blisters and way too many selfies. Five days of amazing food and design inspiration and sharing our real selves with each other. I hate clichés, but this trip was one I’ll never forget.
All 25 of us slathered in mud masks as we experienced Mr. Steam’s incredible steam therapy together |
I share all of this with you because I’ve learned over the years that a story that remains untold helps no one. I share this with you because I know that some of you out there are feeling like you’ve been knocked on your ass in business and you need a hand up. Well, I’m here to tell you you’re not alone. And I hope you’ll find the courage to tell the real story of who you are and what you’ve experienced with your whole heart. Share your story with someone you can trust so that you can experience the grace and kindness and hope that is waiting for you in the hand of someone ready to help you get back up again.
Let me clarify: Sisterhood does not require crisis. Sisterhood can be formed over glasses of champagne and laughter and mud masks and Chinese-Mexican fusion. But sisterhood (and brotherhood…real community) is what you’ll need when the hard stuff hits. And sista, it hits. That’s why I’m grateful to say that my design sisterhood got a whole lot bigger thanks to Veronika Miller, Modenus and BlogTourKBIS 2016.
Stay tuned for my favourite trends and highlights from KBIS 2016! I’ll be sharing lots of design goodies with you in the weeks to come. But somehow this just had to come first.
xx
s.
Sarah, I wish I'd met you years ago. I can identity with so much of what you've written, here – hell, I could have written this, but I didn't, you did! (I would have been too chicken shit.) It is absolutely crushing when, for various reasons, a project doesn't end well. Anyone who survives and thrives in this industry, never sets out to do less that their absolute best – we give absolutely everything to our work, and so IT IS personal when things go badly.
I, too, am fortunate enough to have a 'Veronika Miller' story that has stayed with me, for years. She's a beautiful human being who has such great taste in people. I'm so grateful that, through her, you and I have met. I think you're so full of wisdom and you have such a fantastic way of expressing your self, that it makes me want to share more. (That #BlogTourKBIS trip was kind of a big deal.) I love your writing, I love your design work and I think you're great. Huge fan, over here!
Love this. It's so wonderful to find your "people". I'm grateful to get to call you one of them! xx
Good for you for sharing your story! It takes courage and sometimes our worst times make us the people that we were meant to be. Congratulations 🙂
I knew I'd met a kindred spirit when we got the chance to chat at our gorgeous Thermador lunch, Heather. Thank you so much for your encouraging words and your generous sisterhood – it means so much, and the feeling is entirely reciprocated! We are a mutual admiration society without a doubt. And please do share more! We all need that unique gift that only you can offer the world. xx
Amen sista!!! xx
Thanks so much, Joann! Your encouragement means the world!!! xx
Sarah, great piece and congrats on your bravery. I agree, it's our coming out stories that separate the fluff designed to impress others and the vulnerable stuff that builds a true community. I was lucky enough to join Blog Tour Vegas in 2014 and, you're right, it's life altering. I think that for Veronika and all of us who can turn our struggles into pearls and share them, we all become better for it. I very much appreciate hearing people's real stories. It's the stuff foundations are made of.
So heartfelt and honest Sarah. to be open an vulnerable enough to ask for help is what makes you stronger in the end. It's true. So glad to have met you.
Wow! "it's not just me" and "a story that remains untold helps no one" I feel like you just kicked me in the gut! That and wondering just what those 3 clients did to you will haunt me.Interior design is a very isolating and challenging career. I am on my 4th year of my own business and still feel lost. Only those who have done it know it's not just pillows. I can totally see why you love your group. I follow Veronika on social media and know she is the phonix that has risen from the ashes. I don't write a blog. I am a huge enthusiast and follower and have come to realize the amount of work it takes and what bloggers go though and honestly say I know I don't have the chops for it, but I love my blogs and have gotten to know sisters through them. Support is so important, you are lucky to have found that special group where you can let your hair down, be real and feel "they my back".
Love this post and love you! Enjoyed meeting you so much! I knew you had a big heart when I met you and you were consoling my woes but wow! amazing! oxoxoxo
Sarah, you are one of the loveliest ladies I've ever met, inside and out! Thank you for putting into words what we all felt & feel. It's amazing how true & lasting strength really does come from embracing our weakness. Thank you for your Grace & Honesty. Proud of you. #designsisterhood #strongertogether
I greatly value connecting with other women entrepreneurs, sharing our stories and encouraging & supporting each other.
Sherilyn Wood
http://www.solittletime.ca
Thanks so much for your encouraging words, Rhonda. Isn't Veronika amazing at creating the context for community by choosing such amazing people for the Modenus BlogTours? I still feel so privileged to have taken part.
Wow, I truly hope that you also found some encouragement here, Chris, and that most importantly you can find a trusted inner circle of your own. Hang in there and know that it does get better as you see the signs ahead of time and learn to create and maintain really healthy boundaries. You can do this!
Oh Lisa, I so enjoyed meeting you!! I've long admired you from afar, and your talent is matched only by your indomitable spirit and huge heart. I truly hope we have the opportunity to spend more time together soon. Sending so much love! xoxoxox
Natalie, you are truly brave and beautiful and I so grateful I got to spend some time in your sparkly presence! I'm proud of you too, my hashtag sista. Sending hugs. xoxox
Thank you for sharing this Sarah, it is touching, poignant and powerful. I share your story to a degree, and am sure we all do on some level. Camaraderie and love, personal and professional, has lifted me out of darkness, asking for help was the key. I love watching you soar, sharing your journey and value your perspective. You are inspiring.
Beautiful writing. I feel grateful to have met you and love that I can follow your design journeys from so far away. xoxo Ann
Thank you so much for sharing in the journey, Jana. Your words of encouragement mean the world to me. xoxx
The feeling is entirely mutual, Ann! Sending love from the polar vortex (aka Toronto)! xoxx
Thank you for sharing your story. The interior design business is both rewarding and incredibly draining! For many of us who work for ourselves we often don't have people to bounce ideas off of or seek guidance from.
I'm glad you found support! XxDianne
Thank you for sharing your story. The interior design business is both rewarding and incredibly draining! For many of us who work for ourselves we often don't have people to bounce ideas off of or seek guidance from.
I'm glad you found support! XxDianne